Two young mothers are traveling down similar, yet different roads
By Laura Goldman
In a perfect world, the model family would include a child with both a mother and a father. The parents would be happily married, economically sound, and provide a healthy, happy home for their baby.
These ideals are drastically complicated when the birth of the child is unplanned and mom and dad are under the age of 20. Marriage is a frequent “remedy” to the situation of an unexpected pregnancy, but how do these young people know if they are ready for such a huge commitment? Young mothers must consider the effects of putting their child and themselves into a premature marriage, which statistically, is unlikely to last.
Ashley Wells and Jamin Teie became mothers at the ages of 19 and 18. They face difficult decisions that will alter the lives of themselves and their children. Their daily struggles and choices are the same, yet each girl has chosen a different path.
‘The Choice of Marriage’
For Ashley, marriage is not an option for her and her four month old daughter, Skylar. “My reason for not choosing to get married was that the father of my daughter showed his true side when I got pregnant. He had put himself into an unacceptable lifestyle, and there was no reason for me to put my daughter or myself in a situation that could harm us,” said Ashley. “Even if things could have worked out between Skylar’s father and me, I still don’t think we would have gotten married right away. We would have waited to see if our relationship was strong enough to last.”
Jamin is lucky enough to have found strength in her three and a half year relationship with Evin Wilson, the father of her one year old son, Ayden. “I believe that the time before you get married is very crutial. I think people need that amount of time to really get
to know each other,” said Jamin. A “shot-gun” wedding was not an option for the couple. She and Evin waited a while to decide that marriage was the right road for them as a family. “I don’t think two people should get married just because they will have a child together,” Jamin said. “When we found out I was pregnant we both agreed we would never marry each other based on that. We waited for a while until we decided that we truly did want to get married.” Jamin and Evin plan to get married this summer, almost two years after Ayden's birth. ‘Changing Values’
Young marriages are especially vulnerable and are more likely to end in divorce in a short amount of time following the marriage. According to a 2002 CBS News report, nearly half of marriages in which the bride is 18 or younger end in separation or divorce within 10
years. With the high divorce rate among our generation, the value of marriage has changed drastically from when previous generations were getting married. “Marriage is being viewed as something two people can try—and when it doesn’t work out, they can just end it with no harm done,” says Ashley. “At the rate we are going wedding vows will soon need to change from “Til’ Death Do Us Part” to “Til’ We decide We’re Bored.” Ashley knows what it is like to go through a divorce. Her own parents were married at a young age then later divorced shortly after her older sister and she were born. “My mom was 18 and my dad was 21.” Knowing the effects that a divorce has on a young child first hand makes Ashley all the more cautious on her decision to wait until she is ready to get married.
Young marriages are especially vulnerable and are more likely to end in divorce in a short amount of time following the marriage. According to a 2002 CBS News report, nearly half of marriages in which the bride is 18 or younger end in separation or divorce within 10
years. With the high divorce rate among our generation, the value of marriage has changed drastically from when previous generations were getting married. “Marriage is being viewed as something two people can try—and when it doesn’t work out, they can just end it with no harm done,” says Ashley. “At the rate we are going wedding vows will soon need to change from “Til’ Death Do Us Part” to “Til’ We decide We’re Bored.” Ashley knows what it is like to go through a divorce. Her own parents were married at a young age then later divorced shortly after her older sister and she were born. “My mom was 18 and my dad was 21.” Knowing the effects that a divorce has on a young child first hand makes Ashley all the more cautious on her decision to wait until she is ready to get married.Jamin, also a child of divorce, has the same mind-set. “Marriage is based on commitment and loyalty, trust and honesty. Two people should not get married just because they are having a child together, for their sake and most importantly their child’s,” she says. “People don’t really take time to consider to what they are about to do.”
Today’s society is media centered. Hollywood glamorizes marriage and makes it look trendy. Just look at Britney Spears—with two failed marriages in just a matter of years. She also has two very young children to boot, who will surely be effected later in life.
Not only does Jamin emphasize the impact of the media on the decisions of today’s youth, she adds, “So many people find out that once they’re married, it is actually hard work. Things start to fall apart in their relationship and they take the easy way out.” Just because they see it all the time in Hollywood, people believe that divorce is an acceptable practice. The idea here is that people need to take the time to ‘think’ and not just ‘do’.
‘The Effects’
For young mothers, life has already been turned upside down. At this point in life, most girls Jamin and Ashley’s age are in college with only the worries of keeping up a certain GPA and deciding what dress to wear to an upcoming party—marriage and raising a family are not usually top on the priority list. The young mothers now have a life other than their own to look out for. “My life has definitely changed for the better, though” said Jamin. “My son has brought more joy and happiness to my life than anything
ever before. He has taught me how to be a better person. I don’t live for partying and drugs anymore—I want to succeed in life, all because of him.”
For young mothers, life has already been turned upside down. At this point in life, most girls Jamin and Ashley’s age are in college with only the worries of keeping up a certain GPA and deciding what dress to wear to an upcoming party—marriage and raising a family are not usually top on the priority list. The young mothers now have a life other than their own to look out for. “My life has definitely changed for the better, though” said Jamin. “My son has brought more joy and happiness to my life than anything
ever before. He has taught me how to be a better person. I don’t live for partying and drugs anymore—I want to succeed in life, all because of him.”As this has been the transition for both girls, Ashley has one other thing to think about. According to a study done by the Center for Law and Social Policy, unwed mothers have a 40 percent lower chance of ever getting married as compared to other women. Ashley’s primary concern in finding a husband is “to find somebody who will accept Skylar and love her as much as I do” she says. “He also can’t be afraid to get involved in her life and step up as a father figure and good influence.” Most things would be a little less stressful for Ashley if she were married, as she is enrolled in colleg
e classes and must rely on child-care. Money is also an issue. For the time being though, Ashley isn’t too worried about finding a husband. She is more concerned finishing her nursing degree and finding a job to support the both of them. “It would definitely help to have a partner that took responsibility as well, but at the same time I don’t think that you have to be married for this to happen. Even if you are just in a serious relationship with your child’s father I think that would be about the same” she says. “Marriage can always wait. It is a lot easier to hold off getting married until the time is right than to go through the process of divorce.”
e classes and must rely on child-care. Money is also an issue. For the time being though, Ashley isn’t too worried about finding a husband. She is more concerned finishing her nursing degree and finding a job to support the both of them. “It would definitely help to have a partner that took responsibility as well, but at the same time I don’t think that you have to be married for this to happen. Even if you are just in a serious relationship with your child’s father I think that would be about the same” she says. “Marriage can always wait. It is a lot easier to hold off getting married until the time is right than to go through the process of divorce.” The impact of divorce is devastating for a child, so why risk it if you’re not sure?
Young parents must think about the effects that a premature marriage will have on them and most importantly the effects it will have on their child. “It would be better for a child to grow up with non-married parents who are there for them, rather than with parents who are married, but don’t really love one another” says Jamin. “A child should experience and see what love is, and if you get married just because you have a child, and that reason only, that child will never see or understand what true love is.”
Young parents must think about the effects that a premature marriage will have on them and most importantly the effects it will have on their child. “It would be better for a child to grow up with non-married parents who are there for them, rather than with parents who are married, but don’t really love one another” says Jamin. “A child should experience and see what love is, and if you get married just because you have a child, and that reason only, that child will never see or understand what true love is.”
Although getting pregnant at a young age is far from ideal, young women are not only making the decision to have the baby, but also to keep them. With options like abortion and adoption becoming less popular, young mothers are making choices based on what they think will be best for their children--not necessarily what society says is right.
